Her Life Mattered

I've spent the majority of my day so far over at a Facebook post concerning Ava Barrin... a seventeen year old trans girl who was killed in Athens, Georgia. She is the 14^th trans woman of color killed this year, and the page the post is on is an inclusive feminist page that has been sharing these incidents to raise awareness. 

 

I stepped into the thread because a trans friend of mine had commented on it, in reply to someone else's comment. The comment he was replying to asked how many cis women were murdered by their spouses this year. 

 

Because the best way to honor and show respect for a dead little trans girl is, of course, to completely wipe her existence from the conversation and make it all about your own existence, your own issues, and your own voice. 

 

I've been watching this behavior escalate for the past few years, and escalate exponentially over the last few months in particular. It seems as though, for some, any discussion that focuses on a subject that doesn't directly impact them, personally, must be turned around until they are, once again, the only people being talked about, the only ones with problems, the only ones being oppressed, beaten down, disrespected, the only ones who matter. 

 

It's the basic premise of “All Lives Matter.”

It's the basic premise of “Men's Right's Matter.”

It's the basic premise of, in this case, “Cis Women Murdered By Their Spouses Matter.”

And they seem incapable of seeing what it is they're actually saying.

“All Lives Matter... but white lives matter more than those belonging to people of color, so we want to stop discussing their lives and focus on our white lives instead.”

“Men's Rights Matter... because we believe we are far more oppressed than women, and any discussion where the girls are whining about being raped or beaten should be shut down because our injuries are more important than theirs.”

“Cis Women Murdered By Their Spouses Matter... so much so, that we aren't willing to let dead little girls be mourned without diminishing them and elevating our own losses.”

I am so sick of this behavior. 

 

I am fed up with a world in which so many people are determined to become the center of the universe, to make every single word they read apply to them, only to them, and never ever ever under any circumstances stray off into other areas in which they themselves are not the only topic under discussion. The mot important topic. The only one we should be fighting for. 

 

“Fix this first”, they scream, “look over here, they wail. “I'm the one who's hurt! I'm the one being shit on! They don't matter, their pain, their actual deaths aren't important when compared to the horrible, agonizing life I am forced to lead in this world where bad things only happen to me!”

I'm sorry... but I'm calling bullshit. 

 

I've had enough. 

 

I am one tiny little entity in a world packed with billions of other tiny little entities. I matter no more... and no less... than any single one of my fellow human beings. My pain matters, Their pain matters. My life matters, their lives matter. 

 

Equally. Full stop. 

 

Honoring a dead little trans girl does not make my life insignificant. The only real difference between us is that I'm still breathing... and she's not. She is getting attention because of that difference. Not because she's “better” than me. Not because she's more “important” than me. 

 

Honoring her does not erase me, my life, my experiences, my problems, from the equation. They're still there, they still matter, we are still fighting to make them better. We are simply taking a moment out of our day to highlight someone else's struggle, their loss, their tragedy. And once we've done that, we'll get back to work fixing the other things.

If you aren't willing to allow anyone else to be the center of attention, ever... you're not fighting for everyone's rights. You're fighting for your own, to the exclusion of all others.

And if that's what being a “feminist” means to you... well, I hate to burst your bubble, but you've picked the wrong label. 

  

You're not a feminist. You're selfish. Nothing more, nothing less. At least have the honesty to own it.